When a child is convicted of a serious crime (such as hitting his father on the head with a hammer while the father sleeps on the couch), the child has to go to one of several special prisons. A typical day consists of working in the machine shop where they make personalized toy license plates. The youngest ones wear diapers of different colors to designate which gang they're in. They sit in their playpens and clang their bottles against the bars and shout, "Lousy screws!" A lot ...

When a child is convicted of a serious crime (such as hitting his father on the head with a hammer while the father sleeps on the couch), the child has to go to one of several special prisons. A typical day consists of working in the machine shop where they make personalized toy license plates. The youngest ones wear diapers of different colors to designate which gang they're in. They sit in their playpens and clang their bottles against the bars and shout, "Lousy screws!" A lot ...

Q: Other than the speed at which most vehicles are able to go, what allows people to speed? A: Good road conditions. So if the government would stop repairing roads, no matter how fast a person's car is, they wouldn't be able to speed, right? I have a lot of good answers, but no one asks me.

Q: Other than the speed at which most vehicles are able to go, what allows people to speed? A: Good road conditions. So if the government would stop repairing roads, no matter how fast a person's car is, they wouldn't be able to speed, right? I have a lot of good answers, but no one asks me.

Continuing my tradition of not writing original articles, I found this and thought I'd pass it along. Dear Consumers: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2005 Southern ! EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the south. If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. The Southern EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2005, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed o...

Continuing my tradition of not writing original articles, I found this and thought I'd pass it along. Dear Consumers: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2005 Southern ! EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the south. If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. The Southern EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2005, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed o...

On today's edition of Weekends With Maury and Connie on MSNBC, they were discussing with Joe Scarborough how Bill Clinton was able to avoid prosecution for improprieties in the Oval Office. I tuned in late, so I'm not sure if this was a side issue. Chung asked Scarborough, "How DID Bill Clinton pull it out?" I thought Monica probably did that for him.

On today's edition of Weekends With Maury and Connie on MSNBC, they were discussing with Joe Scarborough how Bill Clinton was able to avoid prosecution for improprieties in the Oval Office. I tuned in late, so I'm not sure if this was a side issue. Chung asked Scarborough, "How DID Bill Clinton pull it out?" I thought Monica probably did that for him.

People who buy Evian designer drinking water are naive . People who rent cars from Avis are unwittingly worshipping the Hindu god Siva . Be careful! Don't let them get you! Can you think of any others?

People who buy Evian designer drinking water are naive . People who rent cars from Avis are unwittingly worshipping the Hindu god Siva . Be careful! Don't let them get you! Can you think of any others?

A man spent passover in Jerusalem. He went to the Wailing Wall and saw a man davening with great intensity. He wanted to ask what he was praying for but waited for him to finish. Five, 10, 20, 30 minutes passed. Finally the man finished. The visitor told him how impressed he was with his devotion and his intensity of prayer. "But I have to ask, "he said. "what did you pray for?" "I prayed for a son, a good growing season, health and happiness for my family, for a long life and for peace an...

A man spent passover in Jerusalem. He went to the Wailing Wall and saw a man davening with great intensity. He wanted to ask what he was praying for but waited for him to finish. Five, 10, 20, 30 minutes passed. Finally the man finished. The visitor told him how impressed he was with his devotion and his intensity of prayer. "But I have to ask, "he said. "what did you pray for?" "I prayed for a son, a good growing season, health and happiness for my family, for a long life and for peace an...

Fade in: Int. Douglas Farmhouse - Living Room Oliver is sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper. OLIVER: Well, what do you know? LISA: What is it, dahling? OLIVER: A new Hooters Restaurant has opened in town. LISA: So that's why the town is called Hootersville. OLIVER: No, Lisa. It was called Hooterville long before.... LISA: (Interrupting) If it was named after another restaurant, it might have been Old McDonaldsville. OLIVER: (Hangs his head and shakes it in frustration.) ...

Fade in: Int. Douglas Farmhouse - Living Room Oliver is sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper. OLIVER: Well, what do you know? LISA: What is it, dahling? OLIVER: A new Hooters Restaurant has opened in town. LISA: So that's why the town is called Hootersville. OLIVER: No, Lisa. It was called Hooterville long before.... LISA: (Interrupting) If it was named after another restaurant, it might have been Old McDonaldsville. OLIVER: (Hangs his head and shakes it in frustration.) ...

The best ones I know are 1. A blonde was in a boat in a field. Another blonde was on the edge of the field and she said, "It's blondes like you who give the rest of us a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and slap you." 2. A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street. As they passed a flower shop the brunette looked inside and saw her boyfriend. She said to the blonde, "My damn boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde asked, "Don't you like getting flowers?" T...