Religious Jokes

Warning: You might feel guilty for laughing at this.

Published on July 10, 2005 By Ionolast In Humor

A man spent passover in Jerusalem. He went to the Wailing Wall and saw a man davening with great intensity. He wanted to ask what he was praying for but waited for him to finish. Five, 10, 20, 30 minutes passed. Finally the man finished. The visitor told him how impressed he was with his devotion and his intensity of prayer. "But I have to ask, "he said. "what did you pray for?"

"I prayed for a son, a good growing season, health and happiness for my family, for a long life and for peace and harmony throughout the world."

"Tell me," said the visitor, "do you think your prayers will help?"

"Who knows?" the man replied, shrugging. "It was like talking to a wall."

Comments (Page 1)

Manopeace

on Jul 10, 2005

...a comment from Jerusalem...... good one!

Chakgogka

on Jul 10, 2005

A man prays to win the lottery, but the numbers are announced and he hasn't won.

The next week he prays again, and again he hasn't won.

The following week he offers up a more impassioned prayer, but equally to no avail.

Finally he calls out in despair, "Oh God! Every week I pray to win the lottery, and yet I never win!"

Whereupon he hears the voice of God: "Why don't you meet me halfway! Can't you at least buy a ticket!"

Manopeace

on Jul 10, 2005

Chakgogka

That reminds me of something that actually happened to me in Jerusalem a few years ago.... I was buying a lottery ticket and a neighbour of mine passed by... she was a Christian Missionary. I asked her to ask her Jesus to make me a winner.... She was shocked at my request... She asked if I asked the same of God Himself... I replied that He did not concern Himself with such matters... her response was..."What makes you think His Son is any different"?
I laugh about that every time I buy a lottery ticket...and still havn't won BTW...

MasonM

on Jul 10, 2005

A Catholic priest and a Protestant minister were discussing their upcoming annual fishing trip. A Jewish rabbi overheard and asked if he could join them. They agreed and a couple of weeks later were out fishing.

While sitting in the boat the priest said, "I forgot my tackle box, I'll be right back" and calmly stepped out of the boat and walked on the water to the shore, retrieved his tackled box, and walked back to the boat. The rabbi, upon seeing this was quite shaken up.

A few minutes later the minister said "I forgot my new reel, I'll be right back" and stepped out of the boat, walked to the shore, got his reel, and walked back o the boat.

At this point the rabbi is flabbergasted. But, not wanting to be outdone, the rabbi said "Oy, I forgot my lunch, I'll be right back". He stepped out of the boat and immediately sank.

The priest looked at the minister and said "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?"

Manopeace

on Jul 10, 2005

A Jewish rabbi

is there any other kind?

MasonM

on Jul 10, 2005

is there any other kind?

Probably not, but since the other two were mentioned by title and faith, it was only fair.

Dr Guy

on Jul 10, 2005

The priest looked at the minister and said "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?"

I remember that one! !

lifehappens

on Jul 10, 2005

The priest looked at the minister and said "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?"

The minister said, "What rocks?"

Ionolast

on Jul 10, 2005

A drunk stumbled upon a baptismal service by the river. "Son, are you ready to find Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Yes, preacher, I sure am."
The minister dunked the drunk under the water and pulled him back up. "Have you found Jesus?"
"No, I haven't," the drunk replied.
The preacher dunked him again, for a bit longer. "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, not yet, Reverend."
The preacher held the man under for a full minute this time, then asked, "Have you found Jesus now?"
Gasping for breath, the drunk asked, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

-----

on Jul 10, 2005

LMAO...nice jokes...

uDigItTheMost

on Jul 11, 2005

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
The man asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
The man asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "Sure just wait a minute."

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you can ask him."

Dr Guy

on Jul 11, 2005

A Jewish rabbi

is there any other kind?

Sure, there is the Lop, the French Lop, the snow hare, the wild berry hare, the mini Lop,

Wait, are you talking Rabbits?

Ionolast

on Jul 12, 2005

God had finished with the basic structure of humanity and was ready to get to the perks. "OK, kids," he said to Adam and Eve, "you have the essential stuff. Now who wants to be able to pee standing up?"
Adam leaped to his feet. "Me! Let it be me!"
"So be it, " God intoned.
God then turned to Eve. "Well, let me see," he murmured, looking at his master plan. "Looks like all I have left is multiple orgasms."

Ionolast

on Jul 13, 2005

A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son had turned out, so he went to see his rabbi. "I brought him up in the faith, spent a fortune to educate him, and now he's decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the rabbi. "I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him through Yeshiva University, spent a fortune. Then one day he tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?"
"I turned to God for the answers."
"And what did God say?"
"He said, 'Funny you should come to me.'"

Dr Guy

on Jul 13, 2005

Reply By: Içonoçlast

I posted that one on Mano's jewish joke article! It still is great tho!

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