Blonde Jokes

Post your favorites

Published on July 1, 2005 By Ionolast In Humor

The best ones I know are

1. A blonde was in a boat in a field. Another blonde was on the edge of the field and she said, "It's blondes like you who give the rest of us a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and slap you."

2. A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street. As they passed a flower shop the brunette looked inside and saw her boyfriend. She said to the blonde, "My damn boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde asked, "Don't you like getting flowers?" The brunette replied, "Yeah, but I don't like the idea of spending the next three days on my back with my feet in the air."
The blonde asked, "Don't you have a vase?"

Comments (Page 1)

Shovelheat

on Jul 01, 2005

Why do blondes like convertables? for the leg room

Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts? They don't want their balls to hang below the hem line...

Ionolast

on Jul 01, 2005

Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts? They don't want their balls to hang below the hem line...

OMG.

Actually, those are riddles, but I'll take them.

bakerstreet

on Jul 01, 2005

Good God, #2 is so funny I almost peed myself.

...

Ionolast

on Jul 02, 2005

Good God, #2 is so funny I almost peed myself.

Same here.

Ionolast

on Jul 02, 2005

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.

A blonde was driving down the highway on her way to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". So she went home.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said, "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looked and said, "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keept arguing, and arguing, and they were both hit by a train.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
An interpreter.

What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What's the blonde's cheer?
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champ.

A brunette told her blonde friend that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked, "How do you give shoulders?"

MasonM

on Jul 02, 2005

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run, she's holding a grenade in her mouth.

island_gurl12

on Jul 03, 2005

Hahahahahahaha! They're all awesome, my fave

A brunette told her blonde friend that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked, "How do you give shoulders?"

Heh, i dont have any in store, but if i happen to remember one i'll come back

Dr Guy

on Jul 04, 2005

2 blondes were walking down the street, when one spies a compact. The first one picks it up and opens it and says "she looks familiar". The second grabs it, looks into the mirror and says "no duh! It is me!".

Green side up!

MasonM

on Jul 04, 2005

Why don't blondes drink orange juice?

It says "concentrate" on the label.

Ionolast

on Jul 04, 2005

Why don't blondes drink orange juice?It says "concentrate" on the label.

hahahaha. Good ones.

uDigItTheMost

on Jul 05, 2005

What's a blonde favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme

Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons?
Because blonde guys are dumb too

How did the blonde get lipstick on the steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn.

Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?
She was afraid of getting hearing aids

uDigItTheMost

on Jul 05, 2005

This blonde heard that milk baths were good for the skin so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons instead of 15. So he knocked on her door to clarify the point. She told him, "I want 15 gallons I'm going to fill up my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman said,"Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits"

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice. Don't you think?" Kathy takes a sniff and replies,"That is nice. What's it called?" "Viens a moi", replies Nancy. "Viens a moi? What the hell does that mean?", replied Kathy. At this stage the store clerk offers some help,"Viens a moi, Ladies, means 'come to me' in French." Nancy takes another sniff then offers her arm to Kathy, and remarks,"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?"

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in town. He gets through his usual run of dumb blonde jokes, when a big blonde in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes!!! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?! What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community and reaching my full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against blondes. All in the name of humor!!!!" Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize when the big blonde pipes up,"You stay out of this!! I'm talking to that little S.O.B. sitting on your knee"

Dr Guy

on Jul 05, 2005

A blonde is tired of blonde jokes, so she died her hair brown and went for a ride in the country. She spies a sheep herder tending his flock. She stops the car and approaches the sheppard and asks him "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have, can I have one?". He replies "Sure".

She looks over the flock, and tells him "You have 367 Sheep". He Says "Wow that is amazing! You are exactly right! Go ahead and pick one out." After the blonde picks out her sheep, the shepperd then says: "May I ask you a question?". The blonde replies, "sure". The Sheppard says "If I can tell you your original hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Dr Guy

on Jul 07, 2005

There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone. "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.

Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.

But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

Ionolast

on Jul 08, 2005

A car struck a blonde walking across the street. The driver kneeled by her side and asked her, "Are you all right?"
"You're just a blur." She said. "There must be something wrong with my vision."
Concerned, the man leaned close to her and asked, "How may fingers do I have up?"
The blonde cried, "Oh, no!" "I must be paralyzed from the waist down too!"

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